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Post by Shoesh on May 25, 2011 7:32:12 GMT -5
Yes, everytime Wild Flowers comes around on my Ipod and more.
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Post by solitude on May 26, 2011 6:12:36 GMT -5
wildflowers definitely--and so many others--I have been listening to your Christmas compilation a whole lot....  |
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Post by Lungsey on May 26, 2011 18:10:17 GMT -5
I don't know what to say - thanks you guys. thanks everyone for your support. I know i should do an update here, hope you don't mind it is a copy and paste off facebook for now. Will get back soon....
xxx
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18 days without my Rob.... It's bloody horrible. I miss him so much it physically hurts - sometimes I feel I am going to throw up because it is unbearable. Other times, I feel he is with me every step I take, holding me when I feel weak, calming me down when I am losing it. Laughing at me when I fuck up things on his computer. And patting me on the back when I do something terribly difficult, but am getting on with it nonetheless. This is the weirdest life. People around me, especially other widows, have the tendency to tell me how I am feeling. It is rare to find someone ASKING me how I feel and LISTENING to my response. Thanks to all my friends, in cyberspace aswell as in Amersfuck and the rest of this shitty little country, I am holding on and I am still on my feet.
Sometimes it scares me to feel I am doing relatively okay(ish). What if this is just me THINKING I am coping - what if the real pain of losing Rob is still out there, waiting to strike. What if I can't make it? But I also know we went down this road for over 2 years together and Rob has given me so very very much to live for, and to help me get through this. He even picked out a new bed for me, which I am actually going to buy. He was (and still is) the sweetest man anyone could wish for. I feel proud to have known him and to have been his sidekick for over 30 years. My Rob - the eternal optimist and, at the same time, such a strongwilled and determined man to live life to the fullest but to know when to call it quits.
My remarkable, loving, funny, buddhist man... I miss him.
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Post by Shoesh on May 27, 2011 2:04:35 GMT -5
Of course it's nice to hear from you, but it's ok if you don't/can't because you're not up for it.
Thanks for the beautiful thoughts. It reinforces what I already thought: that you two are the best example I've ever come across of true love. x and hug
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Post by lasnot on Jun 2, 2011 13:30:13 GMT -5
I'm very sorry for your loss. xo
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Post by Grumpella on Jun 20, 2011 2:54:29 GMT -5
You are missed around here, lady. I hope you're doing ok.
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Post by solitude on Jun 20, 2011 22:25:21 GMT -5
Hey, Lungs. I think of you often, but more so today because I got this and it so reminds me of you and Rob. The artist is the reason I joined this board, and you are the reason I stayed. rearranged some shit and this portrait disappeared...trying to sucessfully publically display..got it! Rob took so much love, my dear!!  miss you so! xoxo  |
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Post by solitude on Jun 25, 2011 0:28:26 GMT -5
I know that today-- June 25th --will be particularly difficult to endure, but please remember that you have support and loving thoughts from many people. |
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Post by Lungsey on Jun 25, 2011 5:21:14 GMT -5
Thank you sweetheart. Yeah, it's Rob's birthday.... I have been anticipating this day. My best friend is coming over in about an hour. A guy from Ikea is putting new furniture up for my bedroom.
I spent most of the last few weeks redecorating my bedroom, a wish Rob had for me. In it will be my new bed, the one Rob choose for me long before he passed on. I am using the bedroom-decorating as a way to move forward and will sleep there for the first time, tonight, on his birthday.
You lot have said such wonderful things about us, i feel so lucky being part of this community! I haven't been around much at all but should be getting back, slowly but surely.
Today is a difficult day but i will make it a good one. For me, every year june 25th will be a celebration of Rob's life and I will do my best to enjoy it in a special way.
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Post by Lungsey on Jul 24, 2011 11:02:49 GMT -5
I will try and get back in here, i've been neglecting the place.
Time to unsticky this and the live for the moment thread. Thanks Raeni and m0ng0 for leaving it up here so long.
Life is slowly getting a new shape. It is extremely hard to miss my dearest husband, and at the same time it is an incredible proud feeling to have been beside him for over 30 years and to have had the chance to take care of him up till the very end.
I'll be back here more, hopefully.
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Post by Grumpella on Jul 24, 2011 13:42:42 GMT -5
Whenever you're ready, deer.
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Post by frauleinkül on Jul 24, 2011 15:33:27 GMT -5
It is extremely hard to miss my dearest husband, and at the same time it is an incredible proud feeling to have been beside him for over 30 years and to have had the chance to take care of him up till the very end. There's something very beautiful and heartwarming about this. Come back whenever you're ready, Lungsey. Take your time. Hugs |
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Post by Maidli on Jul 25, 2011 12:16:29 GMT -5
I'm such a frog... |
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Post by Lungsey on Jul 25, 2011 13:25:18 GMT -5
11 weeks and 30 minutes ago today. I really should stop counting...
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Post by Maidli on Jul 25, 2011 13:34:11 GMT -5
Tickles..
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Post by Lungsey on May 18, 2012 15:33:33 GMT -5
Thought i'd best post in this thread - it has been a year since Rob passed on and some of you know the highs and lows i have been going through. Thanks for the posts on may 9th, in the thank you One Whiskey thread  amazing you remembered the right date. Oh where to start. I've been in here and on facebook on and off, depending on my mood and on whether or not i feel like communicating with the world. Definite highs of this first year were getting the Owie card and everyone's messages on it, incl. Lanegan's. That was ace! And the question answered by the man in the video thingie, that made me giggle like a little girl. Another extreme high was the visit from my fellow m0d & c0mrade and my dear arty friend, to escort me to Lanegan's gig at the Paradiso. What a wonderful brilliant present that was - and what fun we had eh! Imagine us running from the underage hookers in the red light district, heheh. All i did was take my friends sightseeing, jeez  Extreme lows are still my personal demons trying to catch up with me. When the mourning gets too deep i tend to lose myself in selfharm - though nothing too dangerous has happened. I had 2 serious suicide-thoughts, contemplating and planning, but was able to immediately get help from my doctor and social worker and worked through the pain. The rest is basically scratches and bruises and the odd black eye. Try and explain that when it happens more than just the once What Rob brought me, long term, is a sense of empowerment and a huge need for sharing the way he dealt with his illness and pending death. I was always going to start my own practise, in counselling social workers and the likes to enrich their professional attitudes. Now i have decided my own practise will focus on the art of dying and the art of mourning. I realise i am not strong enough to be able to help others as my own experiences are not yet dealth with to the point where i can be there for others. It will take time. I promised Rob that every year, his birthday will be a day i celebrate - in doing something fun or doing something worthwhile, rather than just sit&cry because i miss him. Last year, his first birthday after he passed on, i slept in my newly decorated bedroom, in the bed he choose for me, for the very first time. Next year, hopefully, i will start my own practise on that day. This year, i don't yet know  I am open to suggestions! So this is it - i am still alive. I got myself a three-legged cat from the pond to make me feel less lonely. She is adorable and now i am going downstairs where she will be waiting for me  I love and miss Mr. Lungs but he is here with me, i can feel it and in my heart i know that is where we will always be together. x |
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Post by barriers on May 18, 2012 17:04:21 GMT -5
We love you Lungsaroo. Stay strong!
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Post by solitude on May 18, 2012 18:16:24 GMT -5
"I love and miss Mr. Lungs but he is here with me, i can feel it and in my heart i know that is where we will always be together." x That is tr00 love, sweetie! Always here if you need an ear. A |
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Post by beyondthepale on May 19, 2012 2:56:25 GMT -5
Reading this honestly brought a few tears to my eyes (and I don't well-up very easily). I can't imagine how you must be feeling dear Lungsy, but I sincerely wish you all the best. |
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Post by Maidli on May 19, 2012 3:52:58 GMT -5
And the question answered by the man in the video thingie, that made me giggle like a little girl. Me tooooo Another extreme high was the visit from my fellow m0d & c0mrade and my dear arty friend, to escort me to Lanegan's gig at the Paradiso. What a wonderful brilliant present that was - and what fun we had eh! Imagine us running from the underage hookers in the red light district, heheh. Yeah I remember when European dates came out in November , then we decided and schemed together to come over and join you in dutchyland! And we figured it out ;D !!! Red district was sad and scary tho I had 2 serious suicide-thoughts, contemplating and planning, but was able to immediately get help from my doctor and social worker I don't like the sound of that - you know Y- but I can hear you it will yes but you have all the time and you are more stronger than you think! I promised Rob that every year, his birthday will be a day i celebrate - in doing something fun . This year, i don't yet know I am open to suggestions! Now I like the sound of that ... Mmmmm let me think of that a bit... So this is it - i am still alive. YES !!!! ;D I love and miss Mr. Lungs but he is here with me, i can feel it and in my heart i know that is where we will always be together. be ensure of that !!! |
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Post by Deleted on May 19, 2012 15:14:06 GMT -5
I'm bawling here Lungs We got some bad news that I knew was coming about my dad's health yesterday & I am really having a hard time accepting it. Stay strong (((HUG))) "When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."~Khalil Gilbran |
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amazing you remembered the right date.
I am open to suggestions!
