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Post by Dope on Nov 30, 2004 17:14:32 GMT -5
One time... me... die... barriers... and.... rourke... went to pick up some cocaine from some Columbians. Rourke and I went in first, and they kept jerking us around.. eventually they pulled guns on us and demanded the money. Their main guy.. I forget his name.. had two 0's in it, I think... proceeded to chain up, and then hack Rourke up with a chainsaw.
Despite this... tragedy... I managed to resist to divulge where the money was... they were about to hack me up with the chainsaw.. then my boys die and barriers broke in and shot the place up.. die took a bullet, but we managed to take them over and steal their yayo.
Then I chased that guy down... and shot him in the head!!
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Post by stonedtemple_pilot on Nov 30, 2004 17:22:11 GMT -5
...proceeded to chain up, and then hack Rourke up with a chainsaw. Despite this... tragedy... Tragedy?? ?
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Post by Dope on Nov 30, 2004 19:02:22 GMT -5
Notice the hesitation..
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Post by algreen on Nov 30, 2004 20:47:50 GMT -5
I did this tour last year in support of the last album i did. I was wearing this big ol' diamond ring for every show. It glitters all nice in the spotlight. Anyway I was doing this gig and after the show I head back to my dressing room. There were 2 people inside waiting for me. I figured they were just fans who snuck their way backstage until i saw my body guards knocked out and tied up. I try to leave and one of these people, the female, runs to me and slams the door shut before I could get out. She was a pretty thing, black hair....seemed Canadian or something. The other person was this guy with short blonde hair and an evil grin on his face. He tells me to relax, that they are both big fans of mine and have no intention of harming me. This guy kept referring to his accomplice with different names each time he'd talk to her. It was weird, man....sometimes he'd call her Strange....sometimes Grandma....hell, even once I swear I heard him call her Eh-Oh...or something like that. She was odd too....she kept telling him to die for some reason. So this mysterious man wearing a Ramones t-shirt told me that they were professional thieves and it was nothing personal, BUT they were going to need my diamond ring. I didn't want to part with it, but I wasn't about to mess with these two freaks. "Strange Grandma Eh-Oh" looked like she was quite capable of whoopin' some ass. So I gave them the ring. It was upsetting to say the least, but my health is more important, you dig? As they were leaving, the guy told me that my 2nd album "Al Green Gets Next To You" was one of his all-time favorites. I said thanks and he shook my hand. Those two were the nicest thieves i've ever met!!
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Post by BAPTIST WITH HIS HEAD CUT OFF on Nov 30, 2004 21:02:20 GMT -5
i know a man who went to columbia in search of cocaine, and i'm pretty sure he found it, but he won't talk about it, all i can say for sure is that the person i knew is no longer there, he bites his lip alot now.
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Post by BAPTIST WITH HIS HEAD CUT OFF on Nov 30, 2004 21:16:00 GMT -5
last night, i thought the sentence "seeing as I am blind" would be very funny.
as in, i say to blind guy: hey, what's that over there?
and blind guy responds: well, seeing as i am blind, i do not know.
i just really thought that would be fantastic.
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LMFAO
New Recruit
Why do I need to get a life?
Posts: 34
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Post by LMFAO on Nov 30, 2004 21:37:51 GMT -5
I once fucked the preacher's wife. Now i sort of feel guilty.
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Post by MR GUMBY on Nov 30, 2004 21:55:27 GMT -5
Then I chased that guy down... and shot him in the head!! too bad die later sleep with your sister and you had to shoot him... i'm sure it all worked out in the end, i mean you probably didn't go mad and have a cuban death squad attacking your mansion or anything.
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Post by MR GUMBY on Nov 30, 2004 21:56:18 GMT -5
In the end... after Lava dispatched of their wicked leader "Gumby" she hauled my crippled ass out of the base with the flames of C4 explosions hot on her tail. But since she's fuckin' fireproof, we escaped intact. hey! how come i'm always the 'evil' one! fuck you guys, you fucking fucks!
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Post by MR GUMBY on Nov 30, 2004 22:00:52 GMT -5
fuckin fucks.
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Post by BAPTIST WITH HIS HEAD CUT OFF on Nov 30, 2004 22:57:46 GMT -5
when i was a kid, my mom told me that when i poop, little elves are in but chopping down trees of ppop, and then they have a factory that pushes the poop out.
that's true dude.
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Post by Dope on Nov 30, 2004 23:22:45 GMT -5
hey! how come i'm always the 'evil' one! fuck you guys, you fucking fucks! But you forget... evil shall always triumph... cuz good is dumb!! ...fucker. ;D
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Post by diecheerleader on Nov 30, 2004 23:27:03 GMT -5
Al Green's last story sounded familiar to me for some reason.
anyway, i thought i'd tell a quick story of heartache and loss......just kidding.....it's a story of drunken good times...
Strange and I were in Japan at a karaoke bar back in '99. we were REALLY drunk and it took me all night to convince her to get up and sing "I Hate Myself for Loving You" by Joan Jett & the Blackhearts. finally, she went for it and tore the roof off the place!!! everyone was screaming and howling for her to do an encore. she gave in to their demands and started to sing "Love Will Keep Us Together" by Captain & Tenille. then i noticed out of the corner of my eye our worst enemy.....m0ng0!!!! he was in his full ninja outfit, but i knew it was him because he insists on painting the words "m0ng0 loves black metal" on the back of his ninja suit. i knew he was going after Strange and i wasn't having any of that!!! m0ng0 charged the stage, sword in hand. i screamed...."NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" and flew through the air towards m0ng0. i tackled him just in time. his sword flew into the air and Strange caught it. she jumps down and holds the sword to m0ngo's throat and starts yelling at him..."Who sent you, motherfucker!!!!" he pees himself and says..."it was.....WFTHG!!!" i looked at Strange in disbelief. she said...."I knew it....i just knew it." with that she tells m0ng0..."Send the Kid a message from Die & Strange!!" then...she cuts off his middle finger with his own sword. she slaps m0ng0 in the face with the finger and says.."We'll be seeing Whiskey real soon..."
we leave m0ng0 curled up on the floor and take off before the police arrive. next stop....WFTHG.....
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Post by MR GUMBY on Dec 1, 2004 3:16:49 GMT -5
i have another true story: i just gave barriers my address and i'm scared of what I'll receive in the mail....I'M SCARED YO!!! edit: he said he'll send me some funk...i think i might need it. be scared. i got quim-quim.
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Post by MR GUMBY on Dec 1, 2004 3:17:23 GMT -5
But you forget... evil shall always triumph... cuz good is dumb!! i forgot that. dark helmet rulz!
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Post by Dope on Dec 1, 2004 4:56:22 GMT -5
A true story.. for once.
One time... when I was on acid... I was walking through a park with my friends at night... and I was just kind of listening to the words the wind was telling me.. when all of a sudden.. I see like.. those red sniper lasers focused on all of my friends..
I jump and start pushing everyone down, yelling "SNIPER!! SNIPER!!". Then after a seemingly endless ackward silence of everyone staring at me with that weird "I'm freaked out on acid, get away from me" look.. I realized it was actually just a flashing stoplight.
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Post by barriers on Dec 1, 2004 15:46:26 GMT -5
stop deleting your posts
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Post by Quim-Quizzle on Dec 1, 2004 16:04:35 GMT -5
confused
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Post by RominiBikini on Dec 2, 2004 3:04:01 GMT -5
Al Green's last story sounded familiar to me for some reason. anyway, i thought i'd tell a quick story of heartache and loss......just kidding.....it's a story of drunken good times... Strange and I were in Japan at a karaoke bar back in '99. we were REALLY drunk and it took me all night to convince her to get up and sing "I Hate Myself for Loving You" by Joan Jett & the Blackhearts. finally, she went for it and tore the roof off the place!!! everyone was screaming and howling for her to do an encore. she gave in to their demands and started to sing "Love Will Keep Us Together" by Captain & Tenille. then i noticed out of the corner of my eye our worst enemy.....m0ng0!!!! he was in his full ninja outfit, but i knew it was him because he insists on painting the words "m0ng0 loves black metal" on the back of his ninja suit. i knew he was going after Strange and i wasn't having any of that!!! m0ng0 charged the stage, sword in hand. i screamed...."NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" and flew through the air towards m0ng0. i tackled him just in time. his sword flew into the air and Strange caught it. she jumps down and holds the sword to m0ngo's throat and starts yelling at him..."Who sent you, motherfucker!!!!" he pees himself and says..."it was.....WFTHG!!!" i looked at Strange in disbelief. she said...."I knew it....i just knew it." with that she tells m0ng0..."Send the Kid a message from Die & Strange!!" then...she cuts off his middle finger with his own sword. she slaps m0ng0 in the face with the finger and says.."We'll be seeing Whiskey real soon..." we leave m0ng0 curled up on the floor and take off before the police arrive. next stop....WFTHG..... that cracked me up, please, continue.
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Post by MR GUMBY on Dec 2, 2004 3:07:37 GMT -5
I'm not Quim-Quim, I just sent him to Australia i don't want him any more, he just smokes buckets and sells my shit while i'm at work... the other night he tried to sell me back my dvd player. help.
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Post by Dope on Dec 2, 2004 3:11:00 GMT -5
How can you be displeased with someone named "Cunt-cunt?"
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Post by diecheerleader on Dec 2, 2004 3:26:51 GMT -5
hey!!! that's my maiden name!!!
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Post by Quim-Quizzle on Dec 2, 2004 7:39:45 GMT -5
i don't want him any more, he just smokes buckets and sells my shit while i'm at work... the other night he tried to sell me back my dvd player. help. ca$h
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Post by Lava on Dec 2, 2004 12:25:53 GMT -5
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Post by Quim-Quizzle on Dec 2, 2004 12:27:37 GMT -5
mugshot ;D
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