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Post by manintheshadows on Mar 25, 2008 17:14:50 GMT -5
And I occasionally get really miffed when I post something that I think is really ace, but then gets lost when the next post is on the following page, such is the nature of fast-moving threads.
EDIT: I believe I have just proved some sort of point. Although I should get points for comedic timing.
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Post by Stephanie on Mar 25, 2008 17:14:59 GMT -5
This isn't about people being well-adjusted or not being well-adjusted. And i don't think people here are damaged to the extend of not being able to chat - you know, read and reply. It is about showing an interest in eachother and about communication. Obviously we all have our problems, our pasts etc but that to me is not the reason why sometimes our threads consist of people talking to themselves. I did not mean that I think people here are incapable of chatting, or that we're all severely functionally impaired in some way. I just see the lack of 'read and reply' as part of the bigger picture of this being a place prone to eruptions of heated conflict, which affects what people feel comfortable saying to one another. I think people here obviously are interested in one another, but there's a hidden threat in really engaging with someone, of sharing too much of yourself and being ridiculed, or saying the wrong thing and being ostracized, etc. This isn't exactly a touchy-feely environment where everyone coddles each other--and thank Jesus, Allah, and Buddha for that, I say--so people who are more shy or reserved are going to hold back where they might have otherwise said something. The 'safer' we make this place, I think the more we'll see people open up and engage one another. And that doesn't mean we have to make conflict disappear, but just that we have to be willing to talk through it like adults instead of taking the "slash and burn" approach to Internet forum warfare.
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Post by rominibikini on Mar 25, 2008 17:22:38 GMT -5
Hey Mockingbird, still a member of Eburg's Church of Mischief I take it? ;D Today I found out you're not 21 or something. You look so young in your arvatar! right on, hahaha .. YEAH! thank god you're not 21, or something
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Post by Shoesh on Mar 25, 2008 17:24:24 GMT -5
And I occasionally get really miffed when I post something that I think is really ace, but then gets lost when the next post is on the following page, such is the nature of fast-moving threads. EDIT: I believe I have just proved some sort of point. Although I should get points for comedic timing.What? I have no idea what you're going on about.
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Post by Shoesh on Mar 25, 2008 17:26:12 GMT -5
This isn't exactly a touchy-feely environment where everyone coddles each other--and thank Jesus, Allah, and Buddha for that, I say--so people who are more shy or reserved are going to hold back
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Post by mockingbird on Mar 25, 2008 17:30:30 GMT -5
Hey Mockingbird, still a member of Eburg's Church of Mischief I take it? ;D Today I found out you're not 21 or something. You look so young in your arvatar! right on, hahaha .. YEAH! thank god you're not 21, or something Dude, why are y'all saying that I look old! My face doesn't have that many wrinkles... I'm gonna delete those pics in the other thread asap!!!!
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Post by Shoesh on Mar 25, 2008 17:32:46 GMT -5
no you big dorkchop, don't delete those pics! they're awesome. I just told you you look like you're 21 or something in your arvatar that should make you feel better
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Post by diecheerleader on Mar 25, 2008 17:33:10 GMT -5
just my random opinion on this thread...i don't think the problem with the board has much to do with inside jokes or talking silly bullshit every once in awhile. i know newbies don't always quite know what to add to that weird shite...and i'm understanding of that. the problem stems from almost anytime someone posts (newbie or oldbie) something sincere, a handful of negative creeps piss all over it. there's a difference between disagreeing with someone's opinion and outright attacking the person whilst positioning ones poopenshaft over them to release the warmth of their poo-rage.
i can be fairly negative at times (in a sexy way of course), but i try to be a nice bloke overall and respect people...unless they are throwing the dick down for no reason...then they're just being dicks...and to hell with them. i do know that the in-board bickering gets really fucking old. i do hope things get better though and i'm sure they will eventually. oh, and i also hope i get a big trampoline someday....those are mad-fun!
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Post by Captain Eburg on Mar 25, 2008 17:35:17 GMT -5
It's funny, the whole church across the street thing is a non-event. About two weeks ago I was walking through the church parking lot in my wetsuit heading to the beach (34F in the air, 34F in the water [1C for you Europeans ]) . There were a few Nuns and Priests standing by the gymnasium exit. I asked if it was okay if I cut across. They were nice, and said "Absolutely, and please join us in worship sometime!" I said, respectfully, "Thanks, but I'm going to do that right now!" to their delighted smiles. I found it very encouraging that there was respect for each others' chosen way to live.
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Post by Lungsey on Mar 25, 2008 17:35:35 GMT -5
I just see the lack of 'read and reply' as part of the bigger picture of this being a place prone to eruptions of heated conflict, which affects what people feel comfortable saying to one another. I think people here obviously are interested in one another, but there's a hidden threat in really engaging with someone, of sharing too much of yourself and being ridiculed, or saying the wrong thing and being ostracized, etc. this might just be me missing all of this going on. I understand its not always lovey dovey and sometimes people do get offensive and defensive on the board, but in all honestly i don't think that this board is "prone to eruptions of heated conflict" as you put it. Perhaps this is more your take on the place as you have been in the middle of some nastiness? Don't get me wrong, i might not be around enough to see whats going on, but to me it isn't as bad as you make it out to be.
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Post by Captain Eburg on Mar 25, 2008 17:46:07 GMT -5
There were a few epic tet-a-tets between certain members, but hey, I have been known to post after drinking...
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Post by Stephanie on Mar 25, 2008 17:46:17 GMT -5
the problem stems from almost anytime someone posts (newbie or oldbie) something sincere, a handful of negative creeps piss all over it. *nods* this might just be me missing all of this going on. I understand its not always lovey dovey and sometimes people do get offensive and defensive on the board, but in all honestly i don't think that this board is "prone to eruptions of heated conflict" as you put it. Perhaps this is more your take on the place as you have been in the middle of some nastiness? Don't get me wrong, i might not be around enough to see whats going on, but to me it isn't as bad as you make it out to be. I don't think it's so bad, either. But I do think that there is an underlying hostility here that comes out in ways that seem to me out of all proportion or relationship to whatever it's in response to. Of course, it's going to feel safer to people who've been part of this community for some time, but I can tell you that a newbie reading through some of the nastiness that goes down here is as likely to feel terrified as anything else! I'm happy to wade right into conflict, whether on an Internet forum or on the streets of New York, but a lot of people don't have much stomach for it, even on the Internet.
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Post by manintheshadows on Mar 25, 2008 17:49:39 GMT -5
oh, and i also hope i get a big trampoline someday....those are mad-fun! They're absolute bastards to put up though - I had to put one together for my niece last year, it took me 3 hours in the pissing rain and then I wasn't allowed a go on it. And yeah on the rest of the post as well - it's a bit too easy at times to get into arguments but it's crap for everyone else to read. It's something that we'd like to crack down on more, but we'd rather people realised that they probably have better things to do on the internet than bicker in front of everyone else. If people on the board want willy-waving contests, then a whole wonderful world of Private Messaging awaits
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Post by Captain Eburg on Mar 25, 2008 17:53:27 GMT -5
Open-book types arouse suspicion in many. It happens. But like any group it usually isn't hostile. Like many things, time and patience usually make things easier. I like your fairly recentr presence, and I dig your enthusiasm.
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Post by Stephanie on Mar 25, 2008 17:53:31 GMT -5
And yeah on the rest of the post as well - it's a bit too easy at times to get into arguments but it's crap for everyone else to read. It's something that we'd like to crack down on more, but we'd rather people realised that they probably have better things to do on the internet than bicker in front of everyone else. If people on the board want willy-waving contests, then a whole wonderful world of Private Messaging awaits But I think this can be problematic because if a conflict has erupted publicly, but isn't worked through or settled publicly, it creates a lasting tension that doesn't disappear when the outward symptom (the "willy-waving contest") disappears. It just becomes an undercurrent of unexpressed conflict waiting to erupt again somewhere.
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Post by Captain Eburg on Mar 25, 2008 17:55:48 GMT -5
And yeah on the rest of the post as well - it's a bit too easy at times to get into arguments but it's crap for everyone else to read. It's something that we'd like to crack down on more, but we'd rather people realised that they probably have better things to do on the internet than bicker in front of everyone else. If people on the board want willy-waving contests, then a whole wonderful world of Private Messaging awaits But I think this can be problematic because if a conflict has erupted publicly, but isn't worked through or settled publicly, it creates a lasting tension that doesn't disappear when the outward symptom (the "willy-waving contest") disappears. It just becomes an undercurrent of unexpressed conflict waiting to erupt again somewhere. This is not a perfect world, but don't lose sleep over it. We are a pugnacious bunch at times.
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Post by manintheshadows on Mar 25, 2008 18:01:07 GMT -5
To be honest, that doesn't really bother me. As not only a moderator but a member here, I'm only really concerned about what gets said and done on the board. There's not really anything gets said here that actually truly matters, so there shouldn't really be a point where an argument here is so important that it has to be shared with the group - because the "group" (such as it is) probably isn't interested in public bickering (probably about biscuits or something) that much.
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Post by Stephanie on Mar 25, 2008 18:15:22 GMT -5
I respect what you're saying, Foz, and I agree that the bickering can derail things. I share your goal of wanting to see less of it--not less conflict, necessarily, but less of the petty bickering--I just have a different opinion of how to arrive at it. I will say though that if anything has meaning, everything has meaning and even if they're just sharing silly banter about 'trivial' topics, something important is happening when people come together. I don't want to get too maudlin or touchy-feely, but there's a lot of pain here. Obviously a lot of humor and goodness too, but there's suffering here and every little bit of compassion we can muster is a light in the dark... I don't mind that it's not a perfect world and I enjoy being around pugnacious people, as I am one myself I honestly wouldn't want to see a forum where there was no conflict. I'm almost disappointed sometimes that this forum isn't as bizarre or perverse as it could be What bothers me though is when people outright dismiss one another as if the other person is somehow "less." So many people in this world feel dehumanized every day, and that impulse to make someone else nothing is at the heart of the worst of human nature. Even if it's just petty in how it comes out here, people still can feel it, that sense of being nothing in someone else's eyes. That's what I think we could do without here--the kind of interaction in which people just demolish one another. If I lost sleep every time I saw the cruelties people are capable of with one another I wouldn't be going into social work. I find meaning in going into the most painful and fucked up situations possible and trying to do something to let a little light in. And I found what you said about people being suspicious of people who are a bit too open right away useful, EM. I never really thought of that. I also appreciate your kind words, and everyone else's that have shared them with me. I think the folks here are all basically good people and I don't even necessarily think that what hostility that exists here is a problem. But I do think this place might be even better without it.
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Post by Captain Eburg on Mar 25, 2008 18:27:56 GMT -5
Yeah, but know that we're not creating genocide in Darfur, we're just having a chat, and every once in a while giving a little kick in the head to each other. I always keep in mind that a board is no place to define oneself, validate oneself, or gain perspective on oneself. For most, it's a place to exchange idears, laughs, insults, new bands, good news, and not be too serious.
You have no idea how hard the gang was on young Whiskey when he showed up.
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Post by Captain Eburg on Mar 25, 2008 18:28:42 GMT -5
Where is Whiskey, anyway?
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Post by dimples... on Mar 25, 2008 18:29:16 GMT -5
Mm thanks...
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Post by manintheshadows on Mar 25, 2008 18:46:02 GMT -5
Where is Whiskey, anyway? I like to think that we toughened him up for his journey into the great wide wossname of adulthood. And yes to all the other stuff. This is something to do at work when the boss isn't looking, it's not group therapy.
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Post by Captain Eburg on Mar 25, 2008 18:57:10 GMT -5
Yeah, but know that we're not creating genocide in Darfur, we're just having a chat, and every once in a while giving a little kick in the head to each other. I always keep in mind that a board is no place to define oneself, validate oneself, or gain perspective on oneself. For most, it's a place to exchange idears, laughs, insults, new bands, good news, and not be too serious. You have no idea how hard the gang was on young Whiskey when he showed up. Repeating for effect.
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Post by diecheerleader on Mar 25, 2008 18:58:19 GMT -5
i would like to clarify that Gumby is, in fact, creating genocide in Darfur...but he's really trying to stop.
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Post by rominibikini on Mar 25, 2008 19:00:27 GMT -5
Where is Whiskey, anyway? I like to think that we toughened him up for his journey into the great wide wossname of adulthood. . we were brutal. i sometimes wonder whether he knows we miss remember him so much.
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